U.S.S. Abraham Lincoln and the lighthouse

This is based on an actual radio conversation between a U.S. Navy
aircraft carrier (U.S.S. Abraham Lincoln) and Canadian authorities
off the coast of Newfoundland in October, 1995. (The radio
conversation was released by the Chief of Naval Operations on
10/10/95 authorized by the Freedom of Information Act.)

Canadians: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the South to
avoid collision.

Americans: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the
North to avoid a collision.

Canadians: Negative. You will have to divert your course 15
degrees to the South to avoid a collision.

Americans: This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again,
divert YOUR course.

Canadians: No, I say again, you divert YOUR course.

Americans: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS LINCOLN, THE SECOND
LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES' ATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE
ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS AND NUMEROUS
SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES
NORTH--I SAY AGAIN, THAT'S ONE FIVE DEGREES NORTH--OR
COUNTER-MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP.

Canadians: This is a lighthouse. Your call.

Well,it was the weekend,so of course,all the rummage sales were in full bloom...so,of COURSE we had to go and see what OTHER useless crap we could find to clutter up our house some MORE.............don't get me wrong-I love rummage sales,yard sales,flea markets,goodwill,thrift shops and everything along those lines,but with a possible move coming up,have to be careful with how much we accumulate.First the wife went-and brought back a whole back seat full of stuff.She had brought back some good finds-a camera tripod we can mount our cam-corder on(2 clams),a few books,including a good investment book she got for me,some sheets,an aquarium-and then the real prize.There were some Indian blankets(I refuse to use the term "native american) that she wanted-and the gal said these are from the reservation.Ok,WHICH reservation?The one in Keshena.Keshena WISCONSIN?Yup.Hey,small world lady-half my FAMILY lives in Keshena.....anyway,she gave them to my wife for a buck apeice-and these are some real good quality blankets-not like the made in Pakistan ones we found at a "tribal" shop in North Dakota on our way back from Washington a few years ago.Now,of course,everyone,INCLUDING the furry kids,are fighting over who gets to USE these blankets......Well,after she returned from HER expedition,I figgered I better go check it out as well.I drove down there,and there was'nt too much stuff left.Of course,I asked"Are you the one from Keshena?"She said she was,and I mentioned that my wife had been there a little while earlier,and so we gabbed a bit.I then looked around at the stuff she had,and saw a box full of coffee cups(the wife CLAIMS I'm obsessed with buying every coffee cup in the known universe).Well,I selected a couple that I liked,and asked how much she wanted-she said to take the whole box-for FREE! That was pretty cool.Did'nt really see anything else I could use,so finished gabbing,and got headed back to the car.Well,there was another sale going on across the street,so figured I'd go check THAT one as well.Well,there was some good stuff there as well-got a really cool picture of some eagles,for 2 bucks,and then started digging through the books.Found biographies of both George Patton and Chesty Puller,found a good volume on collector coin values(circa 2002,so still reasonably current),and a couple volumes of a series I've been buying at the PX,(spec ops/survivalism stuff)-those books go for $12.95 at the PX,and I got them for 50 cents each,so I was a happy camper.
I love getting books on the cheap,so I'll have to cruise some MORE rummage sales this coming weekend......just have to try not to fill up the back of my truck with TOO much stuff...............of course,with a bit of luck,one of these days I'll run across that stuffed moosehead I've been looking for.....

Whats the best caliber to shoot my computer with?I'm kinda leaning toward .300 Win Mag....

Once there was a millionaire, who collected live alligators. He kept them in the pool in back of his mansion. The millionaire also had a beautiful daughter who was single.

One day, the millionaire decides to throw a huge party, and during the party he announces, "My dear guests, I have a proposition to every man here. I will give one million dollars, or my daughter, to the man who can swim across this pool full of alligators and emerge unharmed!" As soon as he finished his last word, there was the sound of a large splash in the pool. The guy in the pool was swimming with all his might, and the crowd began to cheer him on. Finally, he made it to the other side of the pool unharmed.

The millionaire was impressed. He said, "That was incredible! Fantastic! I didn't think it could be done! Well, I must keep my end of the bargain. Do you want my daughter or the one million dollars?" The guy catches his breath, then says, "Listen, I don't want your money! And I don't want your daughter! I want the asshole who pushed me in the pool!"

The story of Uncle Bob

The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories.

Kathy said, "My father's a farmer and we have a lot of egg-laying hens. One time we were taking our eggs to market in a basket on the front seat of the pickup when we hit a bump in the road and all the eggs went flying and broke and made a mess"

"And what's the moral of the story?" asked the teacher.

"Don't put all your eggs in one basket!"

"Very good," said the teacher. "Now, Lucy?"

"Our family are farmers too. But we raise chickens for the meat market. We had a dozen eggs one time, but when they hatched we only got ten live chicks. And the moral to this story is, don't count your chickens until they're hatched."

"That was a fine story Lucy. Johnny do you have a story to share?"

"Yes, ma'am, my daddy told me this story about my uncle Bob. Uncle Bob was a Green Beret in Vietnam and his helicopter got hit. He had to crash land in enemy territory and all he had was a bottle of whiskey, a machine gun and a machete. He drank the whiskey on the way down so it wouldn't break and then he landed right in the middle of 100 enemy troops. He killed seventy of them with the machine gun until he ran out of bullets, then he killed twenty more with the machete till the blade broke and then he killed the last ten with his bare hands."

"Good heavens," said the horrified teacher, " What kind of moral did your daddy tell you from that horrible story?"

"Don't f*ck with Uncle Bob when he's been drinking."