"take me to the brig.show me the REAL marines"

LT. General Lewis "Chesty" Puller,during an inspection of the 1st Marine Division

we could sure use a few more like Chesty these days.....sigh

Well,one of our SMALL pets ended up going to the big pet store in the sky the other day-Poo's hamster.Well,it got a bit ugly after THAT point....to put it mildly,she did'nt handle the death of her hamster well.Soooooo,it being payday and all,we find ourselves headed fer the local mall-where of course,theres a varmint store.....(HELP!!!!!!)Well,I figgered I'd git off easy-I mean,how much is a new hamster?(hey,can't you send these things back to the factory if they break,like zippo lighters,or Buck knives,and get a free replacement?)Well,of course,Murphy's law of distraught kids at the varmint store had to kick in....sure,there were lots of hamsters,mice,rats,gerbils,and rodents of all types.Not good enough......They had put a cage full of miniature bunnies at JUST the right level to catch kids eyes-the INSTANT they set foot inside the store.So,Poo picked out a bunny-and bunny food,and bedding,(fortunately we HAD a suitable cage at the house),and as long as we were there,I grabbed a nickel bag of dope for the cats.So,45 bucks LATER,we slithered on out of the pet store.Whew,ESCAPED!Wrong........10 minutes after we get home,the dame conspiracy in my household starts brewing up.You know,that bunny will get LONELY by itself.....you know,its not FAIR that Poo gits a bunny and her sister does'nt......if you don't git another one the economy will collapse and global warming will increase and yer bald spot will git bigger......AWRIGHT already-kin I go back to a peaceful place like IRAQ ,maybe..?.lets go git another bunny.Of course,once we walked back into the varmint store,I had to ask the salesclerk if I had "sucker" tattooed on my forehead....well,got the 2nd bunny,(hopefully they're both girl bunnies,or we'll have LOTS of them)and they seem to be doing ok.Only problem is,they scared the bejesus outta Sammie the cat.......

Well,being on rear detachment for the unit,while they're all down range in Iraq,we've got a LOT of time on our hands,so we sit in the smoke shack,and discuss ethical and philosopical questions-like"Ginger or MaryAnne?"-(note-65% of men prefer MaryAnne),why coyote does'nt simply call dominoes,instead of squandering all that money on products from the Acme corp.,and other burning issues of the day.Well,theres one question that has stymied me literally for DECADES....on the Flintstones,when Fred puts the cat out for the night,then the cat jumps back through the window,and in turn,puts FRED out,why does Fred pound on the door,yelling for Wilma?You'd certainly think he could climb back through the window HIMSELF,right?I mean he DOES slide down the tail of a brontosaurus every day after work,so he SHOULD be in good enough shape for it.....Maybe the gubmint could give a research grant to figger this one out

No flying machine will ever fly from New York to Paris."

Orville Wright

During training exercises, the lieutenant who was driving down a muddy
back road encountered another car stuck in the mud with a red-faced
colonel at the wheel.

"Your jeep stuck, sir?" asked the lieutenant as he pulled alongside.

"Nope," replied the colonel, coming over and handing him the keys,
"Yours is."