It was that time.We'd delayed as long as possible,but HAD to do it.We had set aside a few thousand in savings for bringing in different repairmen to work on stuff on our fixer upper house,and we have an old antique clawfoot tub upstairs,which was'nt installed properly,with resulting water damage to the flooring underneath.So,the plumber is coming in tommorrow,to unhook everything,and cap it off.We'd do it ourselves,but we prefer not to have Niagara falls coming down from the upstairs,if we goof it up.The plumber will need to get at pipes in the basement as well,so we HAD to clean it.

"COVER me-I'm going in-if I don't come back out,take care of the chilluns".I cautiously went down the basement steps,revolver in hand,wondering what monsters I might encounter......I shot two of them next to the fuze boxes,and another one was lurking by the furnace.I shot him too,but not before he was able to give me a noogie......

"CLEAR!"-the wife entered the basement,and we began cleaning up.It was REALLY icky.And was beginning to take on aspects of an archeological dig.I was expecting to find Jimmy Hoffa or the dead sea scrolls in there.

We FINALLY got it cleaned up.Next on my list is my garage-"the garage that ate Cleveland".I may have the local guard unit send me a fire team to provide cover as I go in THERE..........

I've had a lot of "characters" in my family.And try to be one myself.For a tale of my uncle Henry,I'll have to backtrack a bit to my grandma.(on my mom's side)An ol' Missouri farm gal,she found herself in St. Louis,where my mom was born in 1922,and then in Chicago,where they had moved with her 2nd husband,an Armenian peddler,who wanted to open a small store in Chicago.Anyway,HE croaked off,and she found herself in Chicago,widowed for the 2nd time,with 4 kids to raise,and in the middle of the great depression.Well,she was tough,and was'nt about to let any minor detail like the greatest economic disaster to ever hit our country stand in her way of keeping her kids fed,and the wolf from the door.Even during the worst of the depression,she always had work-mainly in industrial laundries,and cooking in local restaurants.She always found a way to get by.Then,she began to get nervous about all the gangsters offing each other in the streets of Chicago,and wanted to get her brood out of town,and was determined to figure out a way to do it.As I've said,she was tough-and very determined.I'd have rather tangled with a rabid wolverine with a toothe ache than her.

Well,she got a line on a small farm,outside Baraboo,WI,that could be had for a very modest down payment,so she scrimped and saved literally every penny she could,and bought a battered 1927 chevy,and a homemade trailer,and they made the trip north,and occupied the small farm.They did ok-it was the depression and all,but between the cash money their few cows brought in,and the gardens and chickens,nobody went hungry.

Then WW2 comes along-the farm is doing ok,and my grandma and oldest aunt are running it,while my uncle Russ is in the army and my mom and other aunt are working at a defense plant in Milwaukee.Well,around the end of 1942 or so,my mom and aunt were recruited by an employment agency to travel to Washington state,and work at a defense complex out there.It was the famed "manhattan project",which produced the atomic bombs that ended the war.Of course,nobody except top scientists and a few VERY senior pentagon officials knew what it REALLY was.My mom and aunt only knew they were working at a defense plant,and making pretty good bucks for that era.Well,my aunt got preggers,toward the end of the war,and married the local n'er do well who had fathered her child,my cousin Claudia,who is quite the character HERSELF.Well,he did'nt stick around long,and after the war,everyone returned to the midwest,where my aunt remarried within a few years,to my uncle Henry.

Henry was born with some birth defects,including being a hunchback,which prevented him from serving in the military,but he was a pretty good guy.He worked as a maintenence worker for decades at the zoo,in Madison,WI.Which was dangerous.The best way to describe him,was obsessive compulsive.Or look up "anal"-see Henry Stevens.The guy could'nt sit still without wanting to FIX everything he saw.He drove us absolutely BONKERS with it.Him and my aunt would be up at our house on a visit,and sure enuff,here comes Henry,with toolbox in hand,wanting to inspect our bikes,to see if anything needed repairs.Or our furniture.Or the cat......anything.

I guess theres worse character flaws than that.Overall,he was a pretty good guy,and although not my cousin's natural father,he raised her as his own,no questions asked.

One time,for whatever reason,while my mom was visiting them in Madison,he needed to borrow her car.He brought it back-with full tank,an oil change,and the tires freshly aired up.He drove my aunt crazy with his habits like that.But he was certainly a character I'm proud to have known.

Many of you have seen Logan Sackettt,AKA stinky poopy head,AKA bunghole,AKA "gramps " post comments on here.Well,I've known him in "real life" for around thirty years.He was a year ahead of me in High School,in Shawano,WI(pronounced SHAW-no,not sha-WAN-o,as some outsiders mispronounce it)

Heres the truth on him.He's a vile reprobate who brews horrible coffee,tells corny jokes,and cheats on pinball.And those are his GOOD points,folks....

I suppose you'll ask how one cheats at pinball.Well,here goes.
It was the summer of '79,or maybe '80,during those awkward years between High school and basic training.THe two of us both worked at local retail businesses-myself in a small grocery store,and he sold men's clothes.Both stores were located in the downtown area,and after work,we'd meet at one of the fine local eateries,such as the heartburn cafe,the tomaine palace and the choke and puke.(not to be confused with the chew and choke,the local truck stop out on the highway).Anyway,we had stopped at the heartburn cafe,and,in our usual genteel and refined manner,ordered our grub."gimme a couple greaseburgers and a cuppa mud.ugh"Anyway,at this place,the food sucked-although it was cheap-but it had a GREAT pinball machine.1950s vintage,two plays for a quarter,and all the really nifty noises.All MECHANICAL noises,not electronic.We'd play it for HOURS.Their juke box was great too.

Anyway,we scarfed down our greaseburgers,and he challenged me to a game.You're ON bud.And I started playing.And a ball got STUCK.I racked up 110,000 points,on the second ball.And he TILTED it.I was ready to strangle him and dump his lifeless body in the river with a cinder block tied to him.I mean theres some things you just don't DO!

Like tilt yer friends pinball game.......

As I said,he's a vile reprobate

The other day,I had to run down to the store to get a money order.As my bank is in Kansas,and I'm not,I don't use checks,and pay bills with money orders.Well,the missus said as long as I was going,we needed bread.Ok,I got the bread.WAIT.we need ice cream.of course,I went past the coffee aisle.Better grab a can.And filters.OK,better get out of here.....then I figgered I better grab some beer.And some fudge rounds.Then I remembered I needed razors and shampoo.Ok,got THEM-come on big sarge,git while the gittin' is good.I started heading for the checkout-and they had a cart full of Green Bay packer floor mats for $18.95.Of COURSE one ended up in my cart.....finally made it to the checkout-$49.85 later,I made it out of there.I need adult supervision.